After the Last Goodbye
by PammieJune and MeggieJane
Summary: AU E/B Cannon. New Moon - After Edward leaves, Bella wakes up with no memory of the Cullens. What happens when her body longs to be a vampire as her memory fights to return? Very dark and angsty, no romance with Jacob.
1. Chapter 1

**Standard Disclaimer:**

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners.**

**The original characters and plot are the property of the author, Stephenie Meyer.**

**The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise.**

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Author's Note:**

**We've been changed because WE are now TWO writers!**

**MeggieJane and PammieJune**

Just thought we'd let you know IF there are to be any lemons *undetermined at the moment* we will let you know. The main reason for the M rating is for language, and it's going to get really dark and sometimes hardcore grisly. We don't particularly like writing horror stories, but this is just the way it may play out, unfortunately.

For those that are Jacob lovers, he will never be put into the enemy roll here, nor will he be romantically involved with her. He is and always will be, SaBell/Bella's best friend.

We will put an Author's Note up on the heading of a chapter if it becomes lemony or horrific... just so that people that don't like that kind of stuff can skip that chapter:

**There will be a warning at the top with the Author's note:**

**[Warning:****Mature****Alert]**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**After the Last Goodbye**

**Prologue**

_What happens to you when your love tells you goodbye forever?_

_What happens to your tomorrows looking at an endless sea of nothing but pain?_

_What happens the next time you open your eyes?_

_I opened my eyes._

_I had no idea exactly what I'd expected to see, but it was probably not this._

_Nothing..._

_Not just black, or an absence of color... Just nothing._

_It was not a void - a void was at least **something**._

_Nor was it a vacuum - for that meant it could at least **be** something._

_The word nothing doesn't even describe it, _

_because that would indicate the absence of **something**._

_It wasn't the beginning - beginning means that there will be something at sometime._

_It wasn't the end - for there had to be something there to begin with to have an ending to._

_Nothing, nothing, and more nothing. _

_Nothing above me, nothing below me._

_Nothing to either side of me._

_There was nothing before nor behind me._

_I opened my mouth to speak - nothing came out, not even a whisper._

_I reached up to touch my mouth, _

_I felt nothing there - there wasn't even any hands to **feel** anything with._

_I looked down at my body, again, I saw nothing._

_There was no body to look at, nor were there any eyes to see with._

_Where am I?_

_Was I even here since I couldn't see or hear myself?_

_Was I even real?_

_**I opened my eyes...**_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Chapter 1**

"**Thank God you're here, Renee."**

_What happens to you when your love tells you goodbye forever?_

"**My baby, my poor little lamb. What has happened to you?"**

_What happens to your tomorrows looking at an endless sea of nothing but pain?_

"**Charlie, just what the hell is going on here?"**

_What happens the next time you open your eyes?_

"**This is what HE did to her."**

_I opened my eyes._

"**When was the last time she ate?"**

_I had no idea exactly what I'd expected to see, but it was probably not this._

"**Four days. I don't know what to do anymore."**

_Nothing..._

"**I have to force her to drink anything."**

_Not just black, or an absence of color... Just nothing._

"**What does the doctor say?"**

_It was not a void_ - _a void was at least __**something**__._

"**That's just it Renee, I don't really want him to come here."**

_Nor was it a vacuum_ - _for that meant it could at least __**be**__ something._

"**WHAT?"**

_The word nothing doesn't even describe it,_

"**Why not?"**

_because that would indicate the absence of __**something**__._

"**He's throwing phrases around like catatonic, and institutionalized. I... I just can't do it. I just can't do that to my baby girl." ***choked up voice*

_It wasn't the beginning_ - _beginning means that there will be something at sometime._

"**See, that... that's why I asked you to come."**

_It wasn't the end_ - _for there had to be something there to begin with to have an ending to._

"**I know, my baby needs me... especially now." ***sobbing*

_Nothing, nothing, and more nothing._

"**Charlie, you said that HE did this. What did Edward do to her?"**

_Nothing above me, nothing below me._

"**He left her, Renee."**

_Nothing to either side of me._

"**But, I just talked to her last week! She seemed so happy."**

_There was nothing before nor behind me._

"**I know. She WAS happy. Then..."**

_I opened my mouth to speak_ - _nothing came out, not even a whisper._

"**Then what?"**

_I reached up to touch my mouth,_

"**He left her all by herself in the woods."**

_I felt nothing there_ - _there wasn't even any hands to __**feel **__anything._

"**That bastard just left her there, all alone."**

_I looked down at my body, again, I saw nothing._

"**What are we going to do, Charlie?"**

_There was no body to look at, nor were there any eyes to see with._

"**I think... I think she'd be better off going back to Phoenix with you."**

_Where am I?_

"**Are you sure?"**

_Was I even here since I couldn't see or hear myself?_

"**Yes, I think that would be best, don't you?"**

_Was I even real?_

"**Less memories there, you know?"**

_**I opened my eyes...**_

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Thank you for reading our first ever Fan Fic!!!

Review and tell us what you think ~~ Please ~

~Pam & Meg


	2. Chapter 2

**Standard Disclaimer:**

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners.  
****The original characters and plot are the property of the author, Stephenie Meyer.  
****The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise.  
****No copyright infringement is intended.**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Author's Note:**

**We've been changed because WE are now TWO writers!**

**MeggieJane and PammieJune**

Just thought we'd let you know IF there are to be any lemons *undetermined at the moment* we will let you know. The main reason for the M rating is for language, and it's going to get really dark and sometimes hardcore grisly. For those that are Jacob lovers, he will never be put into the enemy roll here, nor will he be romantically involved with her. He is and always will be, SaBell/Bella's best friend.

We will put an Author's Note up on the heading of a chapter if it becomes lemony or horrific... just so that people that don't like that kind of stuff can skip that chapter:

**There will be a warning at the top with the Author's note:**

**[Warning:****Mature****Alert]**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Chapter 2**

**I opened my eyes...**

"Come on, Bella," Renee said. "We need to get you up and dressed. You're coming home."

Wha... huh?

"Charlie, help me get Bella up so she can get dressed."

"Mom? Is that you?" Bella asked, sitting up. She looked around, saw her suitcase laying open on her bed. "Dad? What's going on?"

A strange look went between Charlie and Renee. Charlie looked down, scrubbing his hand on the back of his neck. Renee cast a look of pity at Bella and then sighed. "Bella, what was the last thing you remembered happening?"

Bella frowned. "What do you mean? 'What was the last thing I remembered'?"

Charlie looked up at that point. "Bella honey, just answer, okay?" He sat on the edge of the bed and took Bella's hands in his. She looked up at him and noticed that he looked so... frail. Like he was going to break into a thousand pieces if she so much as breathed on him.

"Dad? Are you okay? What's wrong? Did I fall down and hit my head again?" Bella started frowning half-way through her questions.

"Please baby," Renee said. "Please just tell me what you remember." It almost sounded like she was begging.

"Okaaay, I'll tell you, but I don't understand why you're here, mom. I just got here yesterday and I'm supposed to go register for school today." Her eyes grew wide. "Oh, what time is it!? I've got to go before I'm too late!"

"Bells," Charlie started, "What day is today?"

She just looked at him. "What?"

"Just humor me baby, what is today's date?" Charlie was anxious to hear the answer.

"January fifteenth." She looked up at him, biting her lower lip.

Charlie and Renee looked at each other, wide eyed. Shock radiating from their faces.

Renee came over and sat down on the other side of Bella. She put her arm around Bella's shoulders and squeezed gently. Charlie and Renee shared a look over Bella's head. This did not go unnoticed by her.

She shot up off the bed and spun around, trying to take in everything all at once. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT!!!??"

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**I opened my eyes...**

"Hello, Ms. Swan. It's nice to see you're awake this time. I'm Dr. Austin. How are you today?"

She looked around. All she could see was white walls, a small chair, one window beside the bed, and a door with a small square window in it. The room smelled of bad stale cologne. It must be the doctors.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"You're at Forks Medical. Your folks brought you in here yesterday after you blacked out." He looked down at her chart. "It seems that you are having some memory problems, and I'd like to address that with you, if that's okay." He sat down on the small chair beside the bed. "What is the last thing that you remember?"

"Waking up, hearing my parents talking about me going back to Phoenix. But, I don't understand that. I just got here the day before, why would I be going back so soon?"

"Let's shelf that question for now, if that's alright with you. I'd like to ask one more question and then we can talk ourselves out, okay?" She nodded.

"What is today's date?" Here we go with THAT again.

"Let's see, yesterday was January fifteenth. So that would make this January sixteenth, right?"

"erm... Isabella, may I call you Isabella?"

"Just Bella, please."

His smile slipped. The look he gave her was very grave. "Isa... I mean, Bella." His lips twitched into a tiny smile again. "What I have to tell you is... well... it's going to probably be very frightening to you. I need you to be strong, and I need you to stay focused okay?" She nodded again. Dr. Austin took in a big breath, then pursed his lips together and let the breath out with a loud sigh.

"You were completely catatonic initially for four days before you woke up yesterday. After you awakend, your mind couldn't proccess everything at once causing sensory overload, which in turn caused you black out again." He reached over and held both of her hands in his. Her eyes widened as tears formed in them. "Today's date is September twentieth, not January sixteenth."

"But, but, how, when, what..." she spluttered. Her tears trickled down her face and her cheeks felt hot. He squeezed her hand slightly and let go.

"Focus, Bella. Focus, okay? We'll get to the bottom of this together. You are NOT alone in this. Your mom and dad are here, I'm here, and we'll all work on this together alright?" He sighed, "Would you like to see your parents? They're waiting outside."

"Yes! Please!" Bella felt an urgent need to see her mother and father.

"I'll be waiting outside for you, when you are through, then we can all talk about this together. I'll get them for you." He walked out the door and motioned for them to come inside. "Charlie, just let me know when you're ready for me to come back in, I'll be at the nurse's station."

Charlie nodded and then he and Renee walked into the tiny room.

Bella stood up, then ran into their waiting, loving arms.

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"Thank you, Charlie, Renee, for coming here and talking to me alone. I'm not going to lie to you, this is going to be extremely hard on both you, and Bella, in the coming weeks, months, however long this takes us to get her completely back." He sighed and sat down in his large leather chair just behind the desk. "I'm at a complete loss here. I need for both of you to tell me everything you know from this past year. I'd like for you to please write it all down, kind of like a time-line for me. Specific events especially would be helpful."

Charlie frowned, "It all starts and ends with HIM. Edward Cullen."

"Dr. Cullen's son? That Edward Cullen?"

"Yeah, the sun rose and fell for that boy in Bella's mind."

"From what you and Renee have told me, he left her, right?"

"Yeah," Charlie growled, shaking with anger. "That's the son of a bit..."

"Doctor Austin," Renee said, interrupting Charlie. "She still thinks that she just got here, before she even met him." She looked hard at Dr. Austin. "Could she be subconsciously blocking the time that she knew him?"

"That's exactly the information I need to help her, and I'd say that this is most probably the case." He stood up and paced around for a few minutes. It looked as if he paced the route over and over in the same spot on the red carpet. "I think it would be better if she went back to as much of a normal life as she can, maybe some memories will come back with familiarity."

Charlie's eyebrows shot up. "What if she blacks out again?"

"Just call me, I think we should have daily sessions for awhile anyway. But she needs to be able to be at home, where she feels the most comfortable."

Renee sat up straighter in her chair. "I'll be able to stay for awhile if you think I should."

"I truly hate to say this Renee, but I think you physically being there right now is throwing her mental calendar off too. It would probably be best if you hang around if you want to, but not be there all day, every day. Let her know that you're there for her, but only when she needs for you to be there. We will take this one day at a time. Give us a week, I should be able to let you know more by then."

"Okay Doc," Charlie rose and shook his hand. "We'll see what happens this next week. And, thank you, for everything."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

"Well, Bella," Dr. Austin said as he walked around and sat on the front edge of his mahogany desk. "How are things going this week?"

Bella rolled her eyes and let out an answer that had a bit of teenage attitude. "Dr. Austin, I seriously do not believe that we should continue these sessions. It's been over a month and a half and I don't think these sessions are really helping any more."

"Why do you believe that?" Dr. Austin said with a light chuckle and a tight smile. "Just because we haven't uncovered your memories thus far, doesn't mean we won't some time in the future."

"Okay, here's the thing..." Bella let out a small groan to show her displeasure. "Umm... I'm supposed to be completely honest and forthcoming with you, right?"

"Yes," He said, a wary look coming over his face. "That's the only way this can possibly work. Why?"

She started wringing her hands, looked down at them, frowned and stopped. "Okay, what if I were truly better off not remembering that time? What if it were so horrible that it would only damage me more to remember?"

"I can't see why that would be the case, Bella." His eyes narrowed looking hard into Bella's eyes, to see where she was going with the question. "Do you really believe that?"

"Absolutely!" She shot up out of her chair, almost angry. "To tell you the truth, I don't even like that girl I used to be." She started pacing, deep in thought. "I think it's high time for that Bella to die."

Dr. Austin's eyes grew wide with caution. "Please tell me that you're not having thoughts of suicide!" He stood up, hands held out in an imploring gesture.

"Oh! No, not at all! I'm sorry I gave you that impression. That girl, Bella, was an insecure, bashful, clumsy, child with no self esteem what so ever." She bit her lip, paused, then thought better of it and let her lower lip go. She sat back down with a fierce look of determination in her eyes. "Look, I like the person I am now. And I think that immature Bella needs to be put to rest and SaBell needs to take her place." She paused and took a deep breath. "I've grown up a lot in these past six weeks, I needed to. And now I think I need to get out and go back to school."

"Well, the tutor did say that, somehow, you did retain the knowledge that you received in school last year. Although how, I'm not sure." Dr. Austin looked thoughtful. "How about this, you go back to school, but still continue your sessions with me for another few weeks. Does that sound like a reasonable compromise to you?"

SaBell held her hand out. "You've got a deal there, Dr. Austin!" They shook on it, big grins on both of their faces.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Author's Note:**

**SaBell = **I **sabell **a

Isabella Marie Swan for those that's been living under a rock during the big 'Twilight' orgasm.

*oops, did I just say that out loud?* lol

I want to thank my wonderful friend BellaMadonna here on fanfic for making me realize that I actually CAN write! *channeling my inner squealing teenager - silently*

~Pam

**Recommended Reading:**

**Bella, The Lioness** by: BellaMadonna

Next up - Back to school.

Thank you for reading our first ever Fan Fic!!!

Review and tell us what you think ~~ Please ~

~Pam & Meg


	3. Chapter 3

**Standard Disclaimer:**

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners.  
****The original characters and plot are the property of the author, Stephenie Meyer.  
****The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise.  
No copyright infringement is intended.**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Author's Note:**

For those that are Jacob lovers, he will never be put into the enemy roll here, nor will he be romantically involved with her. He is and always will be, SaBell/Bella's best friend. We will put an Author's Note up on the heading of a chapter if it becomes lemony or horrific... just so that people that don't like that kind of stuff can skip that chapter:

**There will be a warning at the top with the Author's note:**

**[Warning:****Mature****Alert]**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Chapter 3**

**SaBell**

Day One of Pure Hell High. While walking down the hall I had to keep reminding myself why I wanted to come back to this asinine school routine. Just because everyone remembers me doesn't mean that I remember them. Because I don't. AT ALL.

Everywhere I go someone's waving, saying hi, smiling at me. And I don't have a damned clue as to who the hell they are. I have to keep reminding people that I'm SaBell, NOT Bella. You'd think that they would get it by now. The only one here that I might even want to talk to is a girl named Angela Weber, and I don't really know her either.

People to avoid at all costs... puppy boy, whore and skank. I think puppy boy is named Mike, he followed me around like a hyper cocker spaniel. Whore is Lauren, I would always catch her looking at me and rolling her eyes. I wonder what I ever did to her? Then skank is Jessica, her boobs were almost always ready to pop out of her shirt and she followed puppy boy, like he followed me. That about covers all the people that I've "talked" to so far. Time for lunch with these stupid humans. Why did I just call them humans? Aren't I one too? Strange.

Oh, goody. The lunch room smells horrible and all of the tables are full and I don't want to talk to anyone. Wait, there's a table way back in the corner that is entirely empty. I'm not hungry, so I'll just go over there BY MYSELF, thank you very much, and get away from all of these stupid sheep. Has no one in this freaking school got any brain cells or do they all only think with their hormones? Christ, SaBell, get a grip! What has gotten into you lately?

I can't wait for classes to be over with for today. I've been on the edge all day long, like I've been looking for something to happen, but nothing ever does. Wait, scratch that, all day long everyone's been looking at me with something akin to pity. Or in Jessica's and Lauren's cases, outright glee. I don't want the pity. And I certainly don't want to 'talk about it' with anyone. Hell, if I'd wanted to talk with anyone or find out 'what I'm missing' don't they think I would have already done so? Stupid humans. Oh, really, again SaBell? Get a grip already!

After I got home I decided to go up to my room and do some homework before beginning dinner. Charlie would love it, steak and potatoes. He was so easy to please.

After I hung my coat up and toed my boots off at the door, I turned to the stairway. I had a really strange feeling come over me as I looked up the stairs. A chill went up my spine and goose bumps started to pop up on my arms, but I wasn't cold. _Why I was scared?_ I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I would be scared to go up to my own bedroom. I slowly started up the old stairs, looking for who knows what, as I went. No one was there, there was no reason for me to be frightened at all. This feeling overwhelmed me, but why was I terrified to walk into the bedroom? _What the hell is wrong with me?_

I walked into my room and dumped my stuff just inside of the door. I looked around the small room. I noticed peeling wallpaper and a scratch on the hardwood floors. I even looked in the tiny closet and under the bed. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs until they almost hurt and blew it out hard. I had to laugh at myself, I looked toward the window. Not the one by the bed, the other one, the one that He always came through. _Whoa there. Just who is He?_ Just as I thought that, it felt like someone had kicked me in my stomach, hard. I fell to the floor, landing on my knees and hands, humped over and breathing like it was my last breath. It hurt so bad I was almost physically sick from it. Gasping for breath, I grabbed the arm of my old rocking chair and pulled it around facing the window.

_Okay SaBell, think this through logically. Why are you so fascinated by that one particular window?_

Thoughts were whirling around in my head at such a high speed, it was dizzying.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Bells, you in there?" Charlie said opening the bedroom door.

She shook her head, dazed and feeling flushed. "Yeah, Dad. And it's SaBell, remember? What are you doing home so early?" She asked, turning around as she stood up from the chair. She was surprised by the darkness of the room. _That's weird. I'd been sitting for just a few minutes. Why didn't I hear Charlie pull into the drive or come up the stairs?_

He walked the rest of the way to her and stopped a few feet away. "Bell... umm... SaBell, why is it so dark here in the house? Have you been up here this whole time?" he asked, his brown eyes that was so much like her own, looked at her curiously. "I called to tell you I was going over to Harry Clearwater's house and you didn't answer the phone. So," he said, clearing his throat. "I kinda got worried and came home first. You know, since you're usually cooking before now, and erm..." He cut himself off just then. She obviously wasn't listening to him and she was staring out of the window again. "Are you okay, honey?" No answer. "SaBell?" Still no answer.

She looked at Charlie, he looked shaken, eyes wide, brow furrowed, lost. "Dad, sorry. I'm just tired, you know, first day back to school and all. I must have fallen asleep and didn't hear you come in at first." she said. He almost looked convinced. "Really, Dad, I'm just tired is all." she pleaded. "Go on to Harry's and I'll just fix myself some soup or a sandwich, or something."

He sighed. "Honey, I'm just worried, I guess. This day wasn't very easy on you, I know. It just... it scared me a bit when you were just standing there, like you didn't even see or hear me. That's all."

He walked over to her and looked her in the eye. "You know I love ya, right kid?" You could tell he really didn't have a way with words.

"Yeah, Dad. I know, I love you too." And with that, he smiled and hugged her tight, placing his chin lightly on top of her head.

"Are you sure you'll be alright here by yourself? I can always stay home, it's no biggie. Harry will understand."

"Dad, go. You need your time off too. I've got some studying to do and then I'll just read, or go on to bed. Okay?"

"Well, alright then." He walked to her door, turned around and looked at her closely. "You have Harry's number, right?"

SaBell smiled. "Yeah, Dad. Go on, get out of here," She laughingly told him.

He winked at her, turned around and left. As he went down the stairs, you could hear him chuckle.

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**Author's Note:**

For some reason, this chapter was really difficult to write but my co-writer made it so much easier!!

~Pam

YAY, we finally got it. We hope y'all liked it. Constructive criticism is always welcome. We're not really review whores, but we won't know what y'all thought about it unless you tell us! *giggle*

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**Recommended Reading:**

**The Rain Season **by:elusivetwilight

**Broken Flowers **by:Mrs. Moth

**Falling Beyond Redemption **by:Aleeab4u

**Defrosting Edward **by:Aleeab4u

**Thorough **by:Aleeab4u

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Thank you for reading our first ever Fan Fic!!!

Review and tell us what you think ~~ Please ~

~PammieJune and MeggieJane


	4. Announcement

**We are moving our story back to the original pennames:**

**Meggles411**

**and**

**PJ Austin**

**Sorry for the inconvenience, but it's better this way.**

**Thanks for reading and follow us to the new location!**

**Pam & Meg**


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